I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
