We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Randomize
