this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize