i don't like sucking hair
North Korea, Best Korea!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
