is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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