How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
