...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
