So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
