youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
