Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
