Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize