It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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