awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Edward fifth and chaser hands
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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