Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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