Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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