i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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