her facebook's as public as her vagina
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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