you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize