Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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