Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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