P.S. I can't hear my feet
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
