eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
