Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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