I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was confusing and full of hummus
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
