I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
