wat bout pragnant strippers??
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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