she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
