This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize