only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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