I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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