The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
