Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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