I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Did I show you my penis last night?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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