someone owes me an orgasm
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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