Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
