Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
