Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
