Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
