remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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