cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
there's paper in my vomit.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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