Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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