So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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