I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
