Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
