I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I've blown a few things in my day
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
