Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
