the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
