I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
