Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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