you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
accomplished twins. life is a go
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize