Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
