Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
