Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
