I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
