yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
