why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
