tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
