it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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