We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
