Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
