Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
