Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
