Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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