I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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