He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
