Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
