u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
