I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
