Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
