He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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