So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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