just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
