Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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