What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
