he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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