i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
