the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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