So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
