im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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