I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize