i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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