TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
