as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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