genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
