Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
